Guide to School

I thought I would come up with a guide for those of you who are going back to (or starting a new) school. I left a few years ago but thought I would share a few tips on how to survive:-

1. There are many types of kids that attend school and can be identified by certain personality traits:

Bully β€” A kid who likes to pick on others and make them feel small. Quite often they will be found hanging out behind the bike sheds smoking (totally uncool)

Snitch β€” A kid who loves to get people into trouble by telling the teachers or other pupils on them…never EVER trust a snitch!

Angel β€” A kid soooooooo good that they are rarely seen outside the classroom, but if they are they will have a ring of light above their head

2. There are also many different types of teachers in school. Here are a few examples:

Not-So-Funny β€” Some teachers will try and be really cool and funny but they tell really unfunny jokes. Try and laugh along as this can mean less lesson πŸ™‚

Sporty β€” Usually PE teachers, who will always favour the kids who are amazing at sport and try to make you join in, even when they know you will be rubbish. Best to try and keep to the back and fake a stitch when times get really hard

Grumpy β€” This is the most common form of teacher, very very grumpy! Even if you come top of class each time, they will still regard you with that crazed look in their eye. DO NOT DISTURB these teachers, especially if they are hunched over their desks behind a mountain of homework

Dinner Lady β€” Usually dinner ladies are really jolly and happy. You can usually find a dinner lady smiling and humming her favourite tune but don’t be fooled…if you cross a dinner lady, it means BIG trouble

Head Teacher β€” They usually lurk within their office and only come out on special occasions. Try to avoid being sent to their office unless you have done something good as they do not like daylight

3. Lessons are always a big part of school life.
β€’To survive all your lessons you should never clock-watch: this actually makes times go backwards!
β€’If your work comes back with lots of Xs, it means it’s wrong, it’s not kisses from the teacher.
β€’Never get caught, sleeping, chewing, spitting, swearing or doing anything other than breathing or working πŸ™‚

4. Homework

Aaaaaah! Homework is extremely accident-prone so always keep it safe. Most excuses will not be believed so it’s best to quickly copy your friend’s on the bus on the way to school (only joking β€” do your own!)

So anyone going back to school, see if you notice any of these pupils or teachers, there may be a new breed not listed above. Take my advice to survive your school year, and it will be summer again before you know it!